is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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