is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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