Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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