before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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