I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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