I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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