the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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