totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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