I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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