the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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