Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize