remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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