I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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