i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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