ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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