he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im holly from the hills drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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