My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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