So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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