I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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