She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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