Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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