literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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