Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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