I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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