Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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