I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize