don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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