He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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