today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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