i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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