Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im part way to drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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