I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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