This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize