Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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