This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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