Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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