Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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