i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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