We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need a beard to bite.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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