So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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