Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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