you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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