i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize