woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize