So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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