So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize