It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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