he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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