So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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