i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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